It is worth mentioning before I proceed any further that I am deeply in love with my school. We have character. We have grace. The worst days we have still cannot keep us down for any longer than that point in time. That is because we come back to a place where individuality is commended, intelligence is respected, and integrity is our foremost guiding principle. A place where we are not judged by the losses we endure, nor the struggles we have trudged through, or even the failures we so commonly face. Shawnee Mission North is only as good as we choose to make it.

That is why, for however long I write for The Mission, I will do my best to draw attention to and help provide a solution to the things that make Shawnee Mission North anything less than the comfortable and loving environment which we all call “home.” I am not the best student at North nor do I claim to be the smartest, the best problem-solver, or even the classiest. I’m not. I won’t, however, back down when my fellow students do to my school what should not be done – disrespect and abuse the freedom they’ve been given.

Shawnee Mission North, BEWARE! People have been to war, seen massive injustice, and abandoned true hope in humanity – but no one can even conceive the kind of horrors that saunter within the bathrooms of Shawnee Mission North. From far away, one can detect the evil that radiates. It’s almost as if Shrek were taking a bath within our walls.

It is not very hard to know when the bathrooms have been misused. A dark, evil stench tumbles out of the restroom and attacks with potent certainty. An evil cloud of disabling filth surrounds the doorways to what inexplicably became Hell on Earth.

A brave entrance into these pits of despair is quickly met with foul demons screeching at the pain of overnight digestion. It is unimaginable to think that those… those things could come from human beings. Yet they do. Every. Damn. Day. And they scale the walls from out of their rendezvous in the toilet just to remind any and all who enter that there is no turning back.

If that weren’t enough to trouble the personal lavatories, some find it comical or perhaps just downright necessary to take stacks of paper towels and stuff them in the toilet. Not only do these toilets become unavailable for the next student but they become clogged and force our hardworking custodians to unclog them. As if it weren’t enough that they have to perform exorcisms so that students can use those restrooms the next days, but now they have to pick up after them.

Shawnee Mission North and the discourse of the bathrooms would be altered immeasurably and no wicked beasts would ever be known to our school if students changed one unconscionable habit – if they flushed the freaking toilet. How easy a fix! Yet, somehow still, so troubling at that.

It is, of course, none of my business to know of your sinful duties. Nor is it to my pleasure or need to see what it is that you are doing to your colon.

With all of this in mind, might it not be a good idea to give the single iota of effort to push a lever and not leave whatever it is you found to be so awe-inspiring for the next unfortunate pupil? It’s evil to do what you do and not clean up after yourself.

Though it’s disgusting, reprehensible, and shameful business, you can do one right and flush that unfortunate toilet who does not deserve to live with the shame you brought upon it.

It is also important to treat these facilities with respect. Very private and personal things go on in the rooms so peeing all over the toilet seat, deciding not to flush, or littering the facility with paper towels is in rather poor taste.

Do right by your school and keep the bathrooms clean. For everyone, including yourself.

Signed,

Michael Schley

A dude dealing with PTSD after his last visit to the bathroom